Happy Thanksgiving, Boston.
Today is the day. Today we make a stand against the horde that threatens our fair city—the vicious, evil turkeys! They have invaded our streets, they have stood in our way, and they have gone after our pets, our children, and our property. No more, Boston! Raise your forks and knives and turn the tide!
Thanks to Adam’s heroically vigilant reporting on turkey sightings, we are able to assemble this map as a rough guide to help you stay safe this Thanksgiving.
Oh, for the peaceful days of yore, when an innocent Boston child didn’t even know what a turkey was!
Send ’em running scared!
However you mark the day, be on your guard. They’re coming FOR YOU.
